I'm looking for a laptop. I just have a few requirements, and I'm wondering if I can get such a laptop for under $1000. Here are my requirements:

• Portable: 12" to 14" screen.
• Quiet.
• Doesn't run hot. I need to be able to set it on various surfaces without overheating, like my legs.
• Dual core, 64 bit processor. (I'm not interested in Atom processors)
• I don't need an optical drive.
• Mobile internet: 3G internet would be nice
• SSD. Maybe this is optional, but the fewer spinning parts, the better.
• Ubuntu Linux compatible
• Webcam / Microphone
• Ships with at least 2 GB of RAM, upgradeable to at least 4 GB.
• Battery life: it's gotta have at minimum 5-6 hours life under normal load, 4 hours playing videos.